Ok. Is it just me, or are a lot of folks saying that relationship building is how we need to respond to the conflict between the Board and the President? A lot of people seem to be up in arms over right relationships, and you even see it with the moderator race, where Key seems to be running for relationship builder in chief.
And is anyone else getting frustrated with this? Cause I am, and I think I just hit my limit.
Relationship building is NOT a substitute for mission. And since I apparently need to repeat that, I shall – relationship building is not a substitute for mission.
How many congregations are stuck in a small size? How many of those congregations are focused on the fellowship aspect of a congregation and having that relatively closed family sized church where you know everyone else’s name? And how many of those congregations actually grow beyond that family size? Recently the UU growth numbers came out and smaller congregations seemed to have gone down in size and larger ones have gone up. In those small congregations, everyone knows each other. The heavy on relationships and community but light on depth and mission fellowship seems to be dying slowly (or rapidly in some cases.)
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Yes, community is important. Indeed, that’s what I was first searching for when I stepped through those doors of my congregation – a community of like-minded people. But after I’ve found that community and have had that initial need met…then what? If there’s no greater call to build depth, to learn and explore my spirituality and my religion, and no greater mission – then what’s the point? We talk about relationships (over and over again) but what about our relationship with something greater? That’s mission.
Relationship building is also not a substitute for justice (unlike what moderator candidate Jim Key has up on his site at the moment.) I can build a relationship with a marginalized community, but if I don’t actually do anything other than build the relationship, then what’s the point? It might satisfy my white liberal self to say that “Oh, of course I know the troubles of that community. I’ve met with them and built relationships.” But if I never actually act, then it’s a relationship that just benefits me in the end. And that’s not justice work. That’s self-righteousness. Yes, relationship building may be a part of justice work but it’s the beginning of justice work, not an end. Too often, we as Unitarian Universalists see building a community, building relationships, and building a covenant as an end rather than as a start.
Relationships are also not a substitute for governance. Nor a covenant. Nor any other handful of things that we seem to equate relationships with. Relationships might be a start but they are never an end, and it’s not something I think should be front and center with the moderator election. Give me vision. Give me governance. Give me mission. Don’t give me relationship building.
Here, here!
Tim,
I disagree with your assessment. I think people are calling out the UUA for hiring a consultant for what appears to be relationship mending that the Board claims is to improve monitoring and the Administration is saying we will wait and see depending on the moderator.
In regards to justice-making, you can’t just show up at a rally and call yourself an ally. You need to have connections and relationships with the communities that you ally with. Your argument is a straw man.
I think the UUA NEEDS(underline that and bold it) to build relationships with congregations. Its one of the things Gini did well was showing up and bring the presence of her leadership (funny story: she spoke at 1st UU New Orleans, and after comments were along the lines of “that woman, who I have no idea who she was, spoke the truth”). We need to be seeding congregations, showing up where they are, and subsidizing ministry costs. That’s how we grow the faith.
Bart
Thanks for a huge compliment, Bart. I’m not quite past tense yet. I can try to show up for a couple more weeks; we’ll see how it goes. See you in L’ville.
“Too often, we as Unitarian Universalists see building a community, building relationships, and building a covenant as an end rather than as a start.”
Exactly. It’s Step 1.
You don’t stop at step 1.
THIS!! “I can build a relationship with a marginalized community, but if I don’t actually do anything other than build the relationship, then what’s the point? It might satisfy my white liberal self to say that “Oh, of course I know the troubles of that community. I’ve met with them and built relationships.” But if I never actually act, then it’s a relationship that just benefits me in the end. And that’s not justice work. That’s self-righteousness. Yes, relationship building may be a part of justice work but it’s the beginning of justice work, not an end. Too often, we as Unitarian Universalists see building a community, building relationships, and building a covenant as an end rather than as a start.”
We ought to remember, too, that this works in both ways. In this work, we are charged with not just committing to action, but committing to well-informed, intentional action. We are just as prone to action without first building the relationships as we are to building the relationships without acting.
Perhaps it would help us to think of “Faith” as not just a type of belief, but a belief acted upon. As people of Faith we are charged with both intentionally forming beliefs AND intentionally acting upon them. Actions without intention have a name: “accident.” And well-developed beliefs without any action may well be a good-hearted failure.
We might also think about what justice work is – is it really just going out and building relationships with marginalized groups and doing something focused on them – or is it also witnessing to justice in our daily lives? Does marching in a Pride parade do more for justice than gently and consistently speaking up about slurs or harassment at work, or consistently mentioning gay friends favorably? Does marching against the XL pipeline do more than turning down your heat and air-conditioning and cutting down on you high-mileage car travel? Does signing a petition do more than being thoughtful about what you buy and where you buy it, and how you treat the sales clerk?